Razorback Thankfulness Rant

Its Thanksgiving and there is so much to be thankful for -- even if you are a Razorback fan.

For the coach we are about to receive, we are supremely thankful. Whether it is a Gruden, Gundy, Patterson, Strong, Smart, Dykes, Briles or a deserving coordinator who has not even been mentioend yet, thank you lawdy. A new era is about to begin, full of hope and excitement. And I dare say that next Thanksgiving, we won't be sitting here wondering if we will even watch the second half of the LSU game. Thank you Jeff Long for opening up the checkbook and getting someone in here who can lead us back to glory.

While I am feeling all aglow, I want to say a few words of thanks for those who have coached in the past. Thank you Frank Broyles for creating a program out of nothing, winning an obscene amount of games and bringing us a (disputed) national championship, all without throwing the ball.

Thank you Lou Holtz for being the ultimate new coach -- the kind we hope to get now -- who comes in with a huge boost of discipline and enthusiasm and elevates a program overnight to national contender status. Always loved you, Lou, even though you were snarky about Fayetteville.

Thank you Ken Hatfield for being the dependable bowl-game guy. Your boring but effective offense kept us perennially in the mix in the Southwest conference. Also, thanks for one of the shortest and most controversial Razorback quotes ever: "Jesus Wept." Yes, I am aware that someone else said that first.

Thank you Jack Crowe for being a super nice guy and for humiliating Houston Nutt a couple of years ago at Ole Miss. And, for being kind enough to reach out to some sportswriters who had just been laid off by the conquering newspaper across the street.

Thank you Joe Kines for beating Alabama in a miracle game. Thank you Danny Ford for somehow recruiting the players that a superior coach would later almost lead to the national title game, were it not for an idiotic unforced fumble.

Thank you Houston Nutt for your predictability. You often went to a bowl game, you almost never won it and I always, always new what you would do on third down. Thanks for all the laughs you gave me when you would call pass plays on third and even fourth down designed to fall two yards short of the first-down marker. Thanks for all those good times with 10 seconds left to go in the first half when you should take a knee and just "take it to the house." Thanks for always finding a way to make quarterbacks worse the more years they spent on your teams. Ok, I am dripping with insincerity here. Yes, Nutt is a good coach. Good for 8 wins and an occassional Cotton Bowl. And yes, that would look pretty good right now.

Thank you Bobby MF Petrino for being the best coach we have ever had at Arkansas--maybe the best coach we will ever have. We will see. I have a feeling that if anyone ever exceeds Petrino it will be this next guy -- who will have the advantage of 100 percent fan good will, the best football facility in the country and a year of moderate to low expectations. Thank you for knowing that it is not just winning that fans love, but winning in an exciting style. Thank you for not giving a *&$% about what anyone thought, but just winning. You were a lot of fun. I will always miss watching you tear into a referee, and I have to admit I also enjoyed watching you rip your players, especially now that I know that this actually worked (See, for contrast, uncle John L Smith)..Bobby, you made us believe we could be permanent national contenders. And had you been a good boy, we would still be contenders right now.

Most of all, thank you for that moment two years ago in the LSU game, right before the half, when everyone in Arkansas and even the announcers though you would run out the clock like Nutt did, but instead, throwing one of the most amazing touchdown pass plays in Razorback history to Cobi Hamilton. He split two defenders, who then essentially knocked each other out, and went the length of the field. That, my friends, was Bobby MF Petrino. He dropped the mic in the locker room, I am sure, and just said "BOOM."

Finally, thank you John L. Smith for being a good-natured, calming influence on our players. They needed you to be calming because of how terrible a coach you would ultimately prove to be. You seem like a good person -- a person of dignity. And there is still a chance that you might leave us with one great memory (other than "We didn't come to paint" and "Get your piss hot.") -- a surprising defeat of LSU full of crazy laterals and throwback plays, fake punts and a hook-and-ladder. Anyway, you do seem like a great guy. You had to put up with some really bad injuries and circumstances this year, but having weighed it all, you made things worse. Nonetheless, thanks for not yelling at reporters or making an ass of yourself as you failed us miserably in your role of one-year caretaker. You had a lot of personal stuff to deal with, and I imagine that few people could have handled it all as well as you did. Though a few people could have hanndled it worse and actually won some games. Just saying.